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"Ladies I need a little help or feed back"

 
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cook (12 posts) Click to send private message to cook Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 03:27 PM (PDT)
"Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
About three months ago I was see what I would call my ATF Provider when after a session I realized that I had left my watch in her room. I called her later that day and she said she had found it and would mail it back to me. I said hold on to it that I would see her the following week or so and I could collect it than.
Needless to say everytime I tried to make an appointment to see her something always came up on her end. She would call and apologize and we would set up another appointment, only for her not to show up. Finally, I gave her an address to mail the watch back to me, that was three weeks ago, and no watch. She calls every once in a while she calls to see how I am and that we need to get together, but nothing.
It wasn't a very expensive watch, but one I received from my late father.
Any ones thought or advise.
Thanks
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Nicole_Farallon (193 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 04:34 PM (PDT)
1. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
Cook, my advice would be to call her directly and really stress to her the importance of the watch to you. I say something like "I'm really sorry to bother you, but my deceased father gave me the watch and while it isn't worth a lot of money, it really means a lot to me!". If she is any kind of human being, she should respond to that. And you could offer to come by and pick it up, and say that you have a little gift for her, like a cool DVD or something like that. (that might make her more receptive for you to drop by for a minute or two) Anyway, good luck! My own father is deceased and I would be really upset to lose something that he gave me.
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DarkKitty (648 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 07:04 PM (PDT)
5. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
A cool DVD???? ;)

Peace.....

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Nicole_Farallon (193 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
29-Apr-01, 05:42 PM (PDT)
10. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
Believe me, I was thinking about you when I wrote it
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TheGreek (350 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
29-Apr-01, 08:45 PM (PDT)
11. "Okay, you've got to say..."
What was it? The DVD I mean.
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Nicole_Farallon (193 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
29-Apr-01, 10:03 PM (PDT)
13. "RE: Okay, you've got to say..."
DK gave me a bunch of really COOL DVDs!!!!!
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DarkKitty (648 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
29-Apr-01, 11:57 PM (PDT)
14. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
;) ;)

Peace.....

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panther (501 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
28-Apr-01, 10:33 AM (PDT)
7. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
LAST EDITED ON 28-Apr-01 AT 10:33 AM (PDT)

>>"And you could offer to come by and pick it up, and say that you have a little gift for her, like a cool DVD or something like that. (that might make her more receptive for you to drop by for a minute or two)."

Excuse me???? Maybe her highness should bring HIM a cool DVD or something and offer to drop it off where HE wants her to!

She's the one who 'took' the watch .....(and yes, I get that you may have meant the DVD as a door opener.)


panther

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Nicole_Farallon (193 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
29-Apr-01, 05:41 PM (PDT)
9. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
I think that I said that in no way do I believe that he should be obligated to give her something, or grovel just to get back something he owned. If it were me, I would have mailed it immediately. I am just trying to put myself in the head of someone who is obviously self centered and how she may be receptive to seeing him.
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TheGreek (350 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
29-Apr-01, 08:50 PM (PDT)
12. "Panther, I very much agree with Nicole..."
I'm not sure she (Cook's ATF) is that self-centered, but as JimBoy pointed out, may be covering up the loss of the watch, or is at least avoiding him. In any case, the point is to get the watch bach which has a lot of sentimental value to him, or find out what happened to it.
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panther (501 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 11:19 AM (PDT)
16. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
>>"I think that I said that in no way do I believe that he should be obligated to give her something, or grovel just to get back something he owned."

You didn't say it, Nicole, but I'm glad to know that's where you were coming from. A misunderstanding. I'm sorry for my part.

I'm sensitive to this. Your description of 'groveling' etc could very well described how my mother forced me to treat her during my childhood, and even when it was HER behavior that was despicable (sp?), she would find a way to blame and condemn ME. So at one level, this perverse logic is in me, and has created some obstacles (understatement)in relationships.........

If I don't stop myself now, I'll go on forever!



panther

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jimboy (295 posts) Click to send private message to jimboy Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 05:01 PM (PDT)
2. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
I'm not one of the ladies but, from the details you gave, I have a not-to-happy theory as to what might have happened.

Since you describe her as an ATF and also say you've had lots of phone contact with her (i.e. she's not avoiding talking to you, she's just avoiding SEEING you), have you considered the possibility that she doesn't have the watch anymore? If that's what happened then perhaps she can't bring herself to tell you (and, of course, can't bring herself to see you either).

IF (and only IF) that's the case then, as I see it, you have two options. You can either become indignant and demand either the return of the watch or an explanation of what happened to it, or you can give her an "out" by telling her that, while it had sentimental value to you, you'll understand if something has happened to it.

Maybe she lost it, or someone stole it, or perhaps she sold or gave it away. I don't know the lady and far be it from me to suggest she's dishonest but I can't think of another theory that fits the facts you described.

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TheGreek (350 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 06:48 PM (PDT)
3. "DON'T be indignant..."
>IF (and only IF) that's the
>case then, as I see
>it, you have two options.
>You can either become indignant
>and demand either the return
>of the watch or an
>explanation of what happened to
>it, or you can give
>her an "out" by telling
>her that, while it had
>sentimental value to you, you'll
>understand if something has happened
>to it.

Jimboy's post is a good and thoughtful one, and maybe if you know the young lady well it might be okay to be indignant with her. However, if you want her to continue talking to you, and want to find out what happened to the watch, try option 2 as described above (be understanding).

I too lost my father, about 1-1/2 years ago, so truly understand what you are going through. Good luck and take care!

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Nicole_Farallon (193 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 06:59 PM (PDT)
4. "RE: DON'T be indignant..."
I would say also to not be indignant. If you are really apologetic she will probably be helpfull. ( I realize that you shouldn't have to be apologetic and groveling to get back a gift from your father, but I am just trying to predict how she might react) Again, good luck
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panther (501 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 05:06 PM (PDT)
17. "Someone pls. explain "indignant.".."
I don't understand what the word means in this context....

What's an example of what "being 'indignant' with her" would look like?

Thanks.



panther

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FreeWillyDave (430 posts) Click to send private message to FreeWillyDave Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 05:10 PM (PDT)
18. "RE: Someone pls. explain "indignant.".."
basically, it means insulted and irate; indignant is the state of feeling like you've been subjected to an indignity (an insult to your dignity).
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jimboy (295 posts) Click to send private message to jimboy Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 10:20 PM (PDT)
20. "RE: Someone pls. explain "indignant.".."
I'm starting to feel sorry I used that word. Maybe I should have used "indigent" instead.
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TheGreek (350 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 10:31 PM (PDT)
21. "Are you saying that..."
you now think "indignant" is "indigestible"?
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jimboy (295 posts) Click to send private message to jimboy Click to check IP address of the poster
01-May-01, 08:54 AM (PDT)
24. "RE: Are you saying that..."
Good one! In fact, that was downright inDIgenious. Which, as we all know, comes from the root "indigenes" - which perfectly describes where I'd like to be (with Faye, Nicole, or Zoe) right about now!

God! I must not have gotten enough sleep - that was one silly-ass pun.

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Nicole_Farallon (193 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 06:27 PM (PDT)
19. "RE: Someone pls. explain "indignant.".."
If he called her up and acted really upset and accusatory. It would most likely turn her off and he would never get his watch back.
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sson_of_sam (241 posts) Click to EMail sson_of_sam Click to send private message to sson_of_sam Click to check IP address of the poster
27-Apr-01, 09:10 PM (PDT)
6. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
Wow! That was really a thoughtful and empathetic post, Jimboy. What are you doing on a Redbook board?
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jimboy (295 posts) Click to send private message to jimboy Click to check IP address of the poster
28-Apr-01, 09:20 PM (PDT)
8. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
BTW, just to clarify, I wasn't necessarily suggesting that the "indignant" option was the preferred one. Obviously, if you want to continue having a relationship with this woman, you need to tread carefully. But, as I was imagining what my own reaction might be if I was deprived of something my (thankfully, still living) father had given me, I felt I needed to point out that you certainly have a right to that emotion.

p.s. pls let us know how it turns out

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cook (12 posts) Click to EMail cook Click to send private message to cook Click to check IP address of the poster
30-Apr-01, 09:34 AM (PDT)
15. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
Good Morning everyone. I want to thank you all for your advise. No news to report as of this morning. I left just two message with this perosn but no response.
I was thinking if it would be a good idea if I had someone else call, make an appointment with her, but I show up at the appointment? This way I would see her face to face.
If she no longer has the watch, than she can just tell me. I am not looking for payment in any way, just some answers.
Nicole, thank you for a woman's perspective, as well as a provider.
Needless to say I am looking for a new ATF.

Thank you.

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DarkKitty (648 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
01-May-01, 08:21 AM (PDT)
22. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
Be careful because that might scare her and make the situation even more tense. I would say keep trying....

Just my opinion....

Peace.....

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jimboy (295 posts) Click to send private message to jimboy Click to check IP address of the poster
01-May-01, 08:40 AM (PDT)
23. "RE: Ladies I need a little help or feed back"
If you use any kind of deception to force the issue it's likely to blow up in your face. If you really want to find out what happened to the watch and get past the current situation then you have to figure out a way to convince her that it's a safe and OK thing for her to talk about (no matter what happened).

Use your imagination. Send her flowers (if you know where to send them), offer to take her to a play or concert, or some other unexpected event. Try anything that (in a positive way) might help to get both of you off this merry-go-round.

Good luck!

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slickwilly (3 posts) Click to send private message to slickwilly Click to check IP address of the poster
03-May-01, 09:24 PM (PDT)
25. "Leave stuff at home"
Well, at least you didn't leave a wedding band behind.

I travel as light as possible anywhere I go, even international. And when I go to a party, even more so. I just don't want to worry about stuff getting lost or worse.

So driving there I have my DL, cellphone, one credit card, cash, a spare condom, Astroglide. And only the last three come in. Saves a lot of hassles when I'm in the shower or otherwise distracted, and I try to be very distracted.

You've been a nice guy too long. I think it's time to call her and tell her firmly you will pick up the watch within say three days, or you will take action (let her wonder what).

Actually, what action is reasonable? It's a delicate situation. If it came down to a civil action (not seriously suggesting that), it would be your word vs hers, and of course other facts would come to light. So that's probably not really an option. But the you could hint at the criminal charge possibility. Again, this puts you and your activities square in the public eye, but you may find that the suggestion of this terrifies her, because she already has a few strikes and it would go hard on her this time. I realize you are too much of a gentleman to really do that....

Of course there is the what goes around comes around school of thought, that this action of hers will earn its own retribution somehow. She gets more than bad kharma. Certainly she lost you as a client permanently, and she risks that you will stop being a gentleman and reveal more details about her to other potential clients. If she has any financial sense at all, she'll realize the harm that could do her. Again, you're too much of a gentleman to do that.....

Let us know how this all turns out.

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