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"Asking your provider or client out . . ."

 
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Allan (14 posts) Click to send private message to Allan Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 02:43 PM (PDT)
"Asking your provider or client out . . ."
There has been a few very active threads lately about
relationships. Would you date a provider, looking for available
single men, etc. . . I was just wondering. To the providers, how often do your clients ask you out? What's your reaction? Is your initial reaction that the client is really just hoping it will lead to "free" sex? Have you gone out with clients and how much did their income have to do with your decision?

To the clients - Have you ever asked out a provider? What kind of reaction or excuse did you get from her? What were you honestly looking for?

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justwhaturlooking4 (54 posts) Click to EMail justwhaturlooking4 Click to send private message to justwhaturlooking4 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 03:12 PM (PDT)
1. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
Hi, I've been asked and ended up seeing 3 clients outside of work this year....Last year was my first year in the business, and I saw about 4 guys outside of work. I'm happy when they ask if it's someone I'm interested in. I'm unhappy though if it's someone I don't see any potential with...because if you decline, you usually lose them as a client.
My experiences have led me to take the compliments, flowers, etc. with a grain of salt, because it usually turns out to be they just want no strings free sex... if they do start to care, they want you to quit, and they dont understand that you really can't.
I think that being alone is just part of being a provider, for most of us anyway. Lynn
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booph (15 posts) Click to send private message to booph Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 03:30 PM (PDT)
2. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
i've broached the subject with one young lady, more as friends than any hope of trying to start a relationship, or get anything free...she's nice person, and doesn't live in the area (she comes in for lonng weekends) and i offered to take her out for coffee or a drink or something if/when she has "down-time"...i'm not sure how i would handle being involved with someone in this profession...i guess you never really known unless you try...but i would like to think i could understand the economics of your situation...i too have maxed a credit card (or three) in my time...and top ramen only goes so far...
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pretty_ladie (21 posts) Click to send private message to pretty_ladie Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 06:39 PM (PDT)
3. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
This is a job, and just as you expect to get paid when you go to a "normal" job, the same goes here (at least for me). I would not have dated a co-worker or client when I had a 9-5, and the same goes here. Just because sex is involved doesn't mean that the roles change, or that I would consider dating a client. The client is exactly that, a client. I have been asked before and I am always as polite as posible, but honestly, it makes me wonder if the client realizes that this is just a business arrangment and nothing more.
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m1185 (26 posts) Click to send private message to m1185 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:04 PM (PDT)
4. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
Sure it's a job, only we are humans with emotions. We have feelings and when you get close to another person and this is very close it's different. You can claim it's only a job if you like but I think at some point there will another person that will just hit the right button and then !!!!!! Of course I'm sure there are those clients that you never want to see again and there are the ones that are just OK, but there will sometime be the one that is special.
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escritic (1407 posts) Click to send private message to escritic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:09 PM (PDT)
5. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
LAST EDITED ON 22-Apr-01 AT 08:17 PM (PDT)

In another thread, I said something about lust and love.
Personally, I don't mind having my gf being an escort as long as
she doesn't get emotional attached to her clients.

Why do I ask a provider out? It's the same reason why I ask other girls out. Just because a provider is selling her body for money doesn't make her any less than a woman.

Also, I don't see what the big deal of dating your co-workers, classmates, etc. You never know what you miss. Opportunity doesn't come knocking on your door all the time.

"If you are meant to be, you will end up together."
Sure, if that person is a hermit and has no personality whatsoever.

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Ms_Magic (482 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:12 PM (PDT)
6. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
I have been asked out a few times (accepted some and declined others) and asked a client to go to a show with me last year. One played the role I haven't experienced in a long time: He paid for dinner then expected sex afterwards. Huh? Grow up!

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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TheGreek (310 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:20 PM (PDT)
7. "If after dinner, he had asked..."
to take pictures of your belly button or feet instead, what would you have done?
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Ms_Magic (482 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:27 PM (PDT)
9. "RE: If after dinner, he had asked..."
I would have laughed at him just like I laughed at your post.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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pretty_ladie (21 posts) Click to send private message to pretty_ladie Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 10:54 PM (PDT)
8. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
It seemd that a lot of male resposes target the fact that women act on emotions, or can not separate their emotions from intimacy. This is not correct at least in my case. Yes, when i see a client, for that amount of time I will cater to their wishes (within my limitations), and try to accomadate them as much as I can. However, this does not have any connections to my emotions or feelings, it's just good customer service. If the client feels that I truly like them, then I provided good service, even though in my head I was makeing my grocery list or getting my next days to do list together.
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DarkKitty (618 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 00:02 AM (PDT)
10. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
I think that's part of the "problem".... we sometimes think you really, truly like us on a personal level even though in reality you're just providing a really good service and your mind and emotions are elsewhere.....

This would be a great thread on Faye Desiree's message board....

Peace.....

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Ms_Magic (482 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 00:55 AM (PDT)
11. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
Well, guess what, some of us REALLY DO like some of you guys on a personal level and DO put some emotion into our sessions. Yes it's a business but heck, I might as well enjoy myself to the fullest! As Faye puts it...being in the present.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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DarkKitty (618 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 07:54 AM (PDT)
15. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
That's really cool.... I just think some guys think ANY given provider can/will feel that way toward them......

I guess we just need to do a better job of finding treasures, like yourself.....

Peace.....

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julian (3 posts) Click to send private message to julian Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
26-Apr-01, 00:28 AM (PDT)
20. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
What? How can you be delivering good customer service while you are focused on grocery list, etc. while doing your job? Can you imagine if you were in surgery and your doctor was thinking about his or her day's activities while working on you? Having a customer, client, patient, whatever has absolutely nothing to do with enjoying being with someone or even loving a person for that matter. It is a distinction worth thinking about.
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SunnyDale (3 posts) Click to send private message to SunnyDale Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 01:32 AM (PDT)
12. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
I am always looking for the same things. Friends, potential girlfriends or just someone pleasant to do things with.

The first girl I gave my card to she said we could only be friends. She ended up leaving town soon after so nothing happened. By that time I had changed my mind - when I saw a needle mark on her arm and noticed her demeanor had changed. Hmmm....

I've asked out one. We went to dinner three times. She is married now (to someone who started taking her out before me, for green card purposes) and we are good friends. She calls me every month or two.

With two others sort of mutually agreed to go out. The first, though nice, ended up being not to my liking as anything more than acquaintances/friends. The second and I kind of connected and are very good friends after only going out about three times. A very nice girl, but drinks a bit too much to be considered for a relationship.

One seriously asked me out. (Actually, she asked me if I would marry her...I siad yes - both kidding). We went out three times before she left and got along better with each other than anyone, ever. We've been keeping in touch, very serious romantic sounding messages but little follow through as of yet.

At first I may have been thinking more about free sex or dating than a serious relationship. Maybe they were more interested in attention and free food or a gift or some monetary concerns. The question is how and whether you can break through the corresponding lusts for sex (mine) and cash (theirs) and get through to each other's hearts and win each other's friendship, trust, respect and keep the passion which is already there.

We'll see whether the one I'm talking to is willing to make the necessary emotional effort or not.

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510Cyclops (186 posts) Click to send private message to 510Cyclops Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 02:35 AM (PDT)
13. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
I have asked my favorite providers out.
I know that there are bounderies when you become involved with a provider. I usually try to keep things stricktly business but I am human and have feelings that extend past the levels of lust and sexual desire. I sometimes develope feelings for these special ladies and would like to see what they are like "behind the mask". When I think about seeing a provider outside of the service I do not expect that sex will be involved, it's more like a learning experiance... What does she like to do, like to eat. I wonder if I were their boyfriend how would we interact in public, or in private?
Providers let us live out fantasies to some extent. I would like to help these ladies live out their life, not as a fantasy but as reality.
I have found that providers can be very graceful when asked about interacting outside of work. Usually they just say that they do not mix their work life with their private life. That sounds pretty legitimate to me!
Cyclops

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panther (470 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
28-Apr-01, 10:58 PM (PDT)
23. "Thanks 510C...great post. (eom)"

panther
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Chronic_lvr (161 posts) Click to send private message to Chronic_lvr Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 02:40 AM (PDT)
14. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
If its somebody that I'd like to spend more time with, I just do it.

I don't see any big deal in asking as I figure that I most likely will not have a relationship with them. I do however may like their company and just want to have a good time. I hope to give them good time as well. I don't expect sex nor do I usually pay for services subsequently. I try to keep those outings and sex separate.

Just like a normal outing with a friend......hoping to have a nice time.

If they want to go, we go....

Always,

--Chronic_Lvr--

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jitrudi (42 posts) Click to send private message to jitrudi Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 07:54 AM (PDT)
16. "I have asked"
several women out that are known to this board.

I have gone out with two AMP women and both just wound up fizziling out as they wanted a way out of their situations and I was just looking to get to another level. One had asked me and the other I asked out for dinner sometime and she called me about a month later during a slow period. I also had a couple of thai amp women around me that remembered me from BKK and wanted favors, but too messy with my ex and family and face politics.

I have also been asked by a couple of providers...or maybe it was me...or just an extension of the session, hmmmn... I dated one well known provider for awhile after she broke up with her boyfriend, but her drug use and the pager going off got to me, was not ready to bring that into my life. The other one was a bit tricky as she seemed to waver from my being a customer to our being friends....and never could get comfotable with the transition. we just slowly faded away, too bad.

Ms magics thread of last week and this one are interesting...Yes Ms M you could call 'me', and yes I would date you or any other provider, but....this is the but... in order for it to succede, levels of honesty, compromise, respect and personal boundries would need to be set pretty early on... just as if you were not a provider and I was not a customer. we all live in a "progressive" lifestyle, and I would need to know where on the scale do I fit in... it would never be about the sex, it would be about the intamacy.

Because of my past, I find that straight (so-called) women can be intimadated by me, or I fill in the bad boy role (which I hope I have left behind) either way I feel outside, but with women who work or have worked I feel comfortable, as I have shared the lifestyle, from all ends of the candle.

Guys you need to be really secure, if you think dating a pro is a way to get free sex, move on... some of the girls out there are going to use you, many of them are professional users with some serious issues to work out and you may just be a stop on their way out of control. then there are the real sincere folk like Ms M who are out there thinking....Treat them nice...dont try and 'save' them... Their hearts break just like a real live girl...(dead nude girls...not a very good sign for a strip club)..If your ATF GFE experience allows you into her real life walk softly be kind...

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Hezekiah (70 posts) Click to send private message to Hezekiah Click to check IP address of the poster
24-Apr-01, 10:53 AM (PDT)
17. "I'd love to, with no hidden agenda"
When I see a provider I know that I'm having a very intimate encounter with a real person, a person with feelings, cares, joys, pains, fears, neuroses, strengths, history, hopes for the future, and all that makes us complex and unique.

This is true for any business relationship. Sure, it's about money. But for me at least it's also about human beings.

When I see people on business we usually end up going to a restaurant together for a meal. This doesn't mean the relationship is any less a business relationship. In fact the business relationship, over the long term, is helped by also having some social relationship. So the same applies for the providers in this hobby.

A provider has agreed to have dinner with me. (I won't identify her without her permission). I am delighted, and have no hidden agenda. I'm not trying to ingratiate my way into getting more service -- if I thought she would not otherwise provide good service I would not see her in any case. I just want to chat, have an opportunity for us us to get to know each other a little better, enjoy each other's company a little. I am not intending to date her in a romantic way, but merely to share some of our joys, pains, and experiences of the human condition.

After all, whether we are providers, clients, lurkers, or even LE people, we all are in this life together and are all doing our best to cope with and enjoy our few short years here.

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FiveHole (35 posts) Click to send private message to FiveHole Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
25-Apr-01, 10:05 PM (PDT)
18. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."

>
>To the clients - Have you
>ever asked out a provider?
> What kind of reaction
>or excuse did you get
>from her? What were
>you honestly looking for?

Yeah, I asked my fav AMP girl out. We have a common interest in snowboarding, so we went to Tahoe a month ago. She's not too bad.

I was just looking for a snowboarding partner and companionship, plain and simple. If I see her professionally, I still pay the usual.

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Wuzzel (4 posts) Click to EMail Wuzzel Click to send private message to Wuzzel Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
26-Apr-01, 00:26 AM (PDT)
19. "Should I *not* see a provider if I want to be friends?"
Sure, I'd consider going out with a provider (either asking her out or accepting being asked out). Providers are people. Given the nature of their work, there's probably a higher chance that a given provider is emotionally messed up than there is with a randomly selected woman, but no doubt a few of them have most or all of the qualities I'm looking for in a date or in a relationship.

It's funny. I've never had a crush on a public figure or any person I'd never met before, but there is one provider that I'm wrestling with whether I want to see her as a provider for exactly this reason. I'm not in love with her, nor am I obsessed or anything, but everything I know about her suggests she's a really interesting person. I'm fascinated by her views on various subjects, and her whole attitude towards life seems really healthy. I'm sure I'd love having sex with her, but I think I'd rather get to know her. Plus, she has the cutest smile. Advice anyone?

(SIDE NOTE: There are some situations which one really ought to avoid because of the power relationships and ethics of the situation: dating your boss/employee or teacher/student comes to mind. In these situations one ought to wait until you're no longer in that relationship to the person before dating them. For example, I once accepted an invitation to my Spanish teacher's home for dinner, but only *after* the class had been over for a few weeks and the grades were in.)

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GPenn (163 posts) Click to send private message to GPenn Click to check IP address of the poster
26-Apr-01, 08:52 PM (PDT)
21. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
I'm with the "delighted to see a friend for friendly activities outside work but it doesn't change the work" crowd. I've made real connections with a couple of providers. I'm not in the market for a girlfriend, but I'm always happy to have a friend. I think it would be an insult to expect free sex just because we've gone out to dinner, just like it would be insulting (or at least off the wall) to strike up a friendship with the guy that fixes my car and expect free car repairs after we'd been out for a beer.

And some providers who are truly present and open to real connections have boundaries around work vs. non-work relationships, and that's OK too.

I just happen to really like the kind of woman who can do this work in a "fully present" way; I have other friends who are similar in many ways -- I've had friends, sexual play partners, and long-term relationships with providers.

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SunnyDale (3 posts) Click to send private message to SunnyDale Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
28-Apr-01, 09:50 PM (PDT)
22. "RE: Asking your provider or client out . . ."
Another girl asked me out tonight to go out with her and all the girls who work at the AMP. Probably just lonely. The girl I was seeing is definitely going to hear about it, but oh well. C'est la vie.
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