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"You Can't Handle the Truth?"

 
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Chronic_lvr (170 posts) Click to send private message to Chronic_lvr Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 09:58 AM (PDT)
"You Can't Handle the Truth?"
OK, here's a question that I'm wondering if anyone can truly look deep inside themselves and give an honest response.

I know that quite often, many of us see whom we term our "ATF"'s. Likewise, I'm sure that on both sides, both the men and the provider may get some sort of emotional attachment.

Question for the men is, How many of you think that you could honestly ever have a provider for a girlfriend or more?

Do you think you could handle the person that you're dedicated to working as an escort and having sex with other men? Lets say you ask her to stop, can you still handle the realization that she may have had sex with a few hundred men? or more?? And some of them may have really turned them out?

I know its easy to like many of these women as they are smart, witty (see Dilly ), attractive and open about sex. But can you emotionally handle the rest of it?

Personally, I think if I found the right person for me, I could handle it. I know what the women do now and I feel that I am doing the same as them. Seeing other unfamiliar people and having sex with them. It has nothing to do with love, but its sex. I do however think that if we got together and made a comittment, I wouldn't want them to do work as a provider anymore and likewise, I would give up my hobby. I would want them to trust me wholeheartedly and me them.

Anyone? Anyone?

Always,

--Chronic_Lvr--

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DarkKitty (662 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 10:07 AM (PDT)
1. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
If I found a provider that I wanted to make my significant other, whether it be a girlfriend or a wife, I know I would NOT be able to handle her continuing to work in the biz after our relationship started. I would NOT want to share her, in any way, with others.

I'm not sure how some married providers' husbands deal with it today. When I find out that a given provider is married and her husband KNOWS she does this, I comment that they must have very strong relationship because I know *I* would not be able to handle it, especially if she did NOT want to stop after we got together.

Great question, Chronic_Lvr!

Related to this I would like to ask the providers a question: If I was wealthy (like Bill Gates dollars) and we got into a relationship and I asked you to STOP providing while we were together (again either as a girlfriend or wife), would you stop? I would have the means to provide (financially) for both of us, so money would not be an issue. I can understand you wanting to make your OWN money n the event the relationship does not work out. I guess my question really is: would you KEEP providing and possibly lose the relationship or would you STOP providing and stay in the relationship?

Chronic_Lvr, I think you've started a VERY thought provoking thread........

Peace.....

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justwhaturlooking4 (69 posts) Click to EMail justwhaturlooking4 Click to send private message to justwhaturlooking4 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:16 AM (PDT)
2. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I have been in a few relationships with clients that lasted several months. In each case, as time went by he put me under more pressure to quit.... but NEVER offered to help me out with $. The reason I do this and any provider does this is WE NEED THE INCOME. Each of the former clients I was involved with was well to do.... they didnt know what it's like to have to charge your groceries by the end of the month, and only be able to pay the interest on your cards, nothing on the balance.... When I stopped seeing clients for a few months because of a relationship I ended up doing things like writing a check I knew would bounce to get back my car insurance that had been cancelled... I ran up a lot of credit card debt during those months paying for high cost things like car repairs, taxes, etc. that I dont earn enough from my day job to afford. The reality is, he is not going to offer to help you out financially, yet he wants you to give up your second income..... or, in most providers cases, give up your primary income, to take some lower paying job.... that is why I think client/provider relationships are not going to work out 99% of the time.....Lynn
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Chronic_lvr (170 posts) Click to send private message to Chronic_lvr Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:27 AM (PDT)
3. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I agree with you Lynn, I was just assuming that the man would assist/take over with the financial responsibilities as I'm sure that the majority of providers don't see strange men who want to do all kinds of unmentionables to them for the fun of it.

Sorry, that was a really bad sentence, but I'm in a rush and I think you know what I mean.

Ciao,

--Chronic_Lvr--


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DarkKitty (662 posts) Click to send private message to DarkKitty Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:33 AM (PDT)
4. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I understand completely..... I hope this thread or my comments didn't stir up and bad memories for you..... If so, I deeply apologize.....

Peace.....

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Ms_Magic (504 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:05 PM (PDT)
22. "Would I stop?"
"If I was wealthy (like Bill Gates dollars) and we got into a relationship and I asked you to STOP providing while we were together (again either as a girlfriend or wife), would you stop? I would have the means to provide (financially) for both of us, so money would not be an issue."

If our relationship was serious I wouldn't have a problem quitting. There are so many things I would like do if I didn't have to work, including volunteering more of my time than I already do. I don't think most of us like the idea of working until retirement age! Anyway, my current profession is only a blip and I have no financial dependence on it. Meaning, I could easily go back to a desk job without being in financial ruins and plan on doing that when Mr. Right comes along (unless I had already made the transition.)


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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panther (518 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:51 AM (PDT)
5. "Great Post Chronic_Lvr!"
Really thoughtful and well stated....

...it's got me thinking.......



panther

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tiny100 (85 posts) Click to send private message to tiny100 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:56 AM (PDT)
6. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I've been doing this for some years now and I can't see myself having a relationship with a provider. I really find it hard to become involved with someone I see for a hour or two afew times a month.
But IF I did I really would think hard about if I could handle her still working in the biz.I use to swing and found that you would have to have a swinger attitude if the relationship were to work out.But thats a strong long term building relationship.
I don't see that happening with a provider
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Niqui (65 posts) Click to EMail Niqui Click to send private message to Niqui Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 12:09 PM (PDT)
8. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
Is a "strong long term building relationship" unlikely to happen with a provider because of her or you?

I'm sure that I am not the only provider who has had a long term relationship. (together 9 years, married 3 weeks) I believe I have a "strong long term building relationship". I don't however believe our situation is "normal". I happen to have a husband who has NO ties between sex and love, so what I do in my business doesn't change anything at home.

While, there are plenty of men who are more than happy to participate in no strings sex, they wouldn't want their wives doing the same. How many men who visit providers would be okay with their wife going to see a male escort? I'm not condeming this, I just think MOST men wouldn't be happy in a long term relationship with an escort. I'm sure there is a huge fantasy in becoming the boyfriend of a provider, feeling that while others have to pay she chooses you. But, the reality of it is probably a completely different story. Eventually, I would imagine most men would become insecure.

Niqui

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skywalker971 (25 posts) Click to send private message to skywalker971 Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 12:46 PM (PDT)
10. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
Did your boy friend/husband know you before or after you get into this business? If you are in an early start point, that will make a total different story. Because he know you as a normal person, and he continue to love you as who you are.
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Niqui (65 posts) Click to EMail Niqui Click to send private message to Niqui Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 01:28 PM (PDT)
13. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
He definitely knew me before I started this... It will be a year next month since I made my first appointment, so he knew me 8 years before this started. I still believe we are unusual, my doing this has improved our relationship... go figure...

Niqui

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pretty_ladie (27 posts) Click to send private message to pretty_ladie Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 06:27 PM (PDT)
17. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
not that unusual, your situation sounds very similar to mine. I think that being in the relationship prior to this work is an important factor. If you already have a strong relationship and love eachother and are basically willing to do what-ever in order to have a stable financial future, the lagistics of what a provider does on a call become secondary. If you love eachother and know you are both commited, then you are able to separate work from personal. A providers job is to create a fantasy for the client for the time that they are together. Once the provider walks out that door the fantasy ends (at least for the provider). I don't know many providers that are doing this to find a future mate, but I also think it would be hard to develope a relationship with someone you just met, and don't know if it would be fair to ask them to accept this as your profession.
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Chronic_lvr (170 posts) Click to send private message to Chronic_lvr Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 06:40 PM (PDT)
18. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
Hey Pretty_Ladie,

I actually think the opposite myself.

If I went into a relationship already knowing that she was a provider, I think I could mentally deal with it.

However, if we started out a "normal"(I use the term loosely) relationship and fell upon financial hardship, then my mate told me that she decided to provide services to men for money, I would totally freak.

In either circumstance, I would not want her to continue or start up. Even if I had to work four jobs 24/7. I would make it work.

Thats how I feel anyways, maybe its cause I'm a guy...

Always,

--Chronic_Lvr--

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pretty_ladie (27 posts) Click to send private message to pretty_ladie Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 06:54 PM (PDT)
19. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I'm not saying that it's not hard for him, cause I know it is, but I gues especially in the bay area, with the houseing costs and everything else we all make sacrifices. I would have never guessed that I would be where I am today thus time last year. But I feel lucky that I have someone who loves me enough and is willing to support me since he know I am only doing this for us to have a better future. We were financially comfortable without me working. The question is do you want to work till your 67, and then live off your pension and IRA, or do you want to be able to retire at 35, travel evrywhere you ever dreamed, have children and actaully be able to enjoy raising them and be able to stay home to watch them grow, and be financially stable with your investments/business ventures to live the way you want to and enjoy the rest of your life. I guess it comes down to what your goals are and what you are willing to do to acheive them.
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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 07:19 PM (PDT)
20. "Your post makes me concerned..."
It's none of my business, but your post gave me pause. Are you saying that, even though you don't need the money, and it bothers your husband, you decided to start seeing clients? I understand what you are saying about being able to have a great life, but don't you think that you're putting your relationship with your husband at an undue risk?

When you're young, short-cuts may look like a unique and good idea. However, you would be surprised at what life may look like five or ten years down the road, especially if you start planning for it. And once-in-a-lifetime opportunities come up all the time. For instance, I know some people that were able to retire after investing in the stock market intelligently.

Good luck to you, whatever the future holds!

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pretty_ladie (27 posts) Click to send private message to pretty_ladie Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 07:46 PM (PDT)
21. "RE: Your post makes me concerned..."
if he were to ask me or even inply that it bother him to the extent that he wants me to stop, i would. as far as not starving yes, we would not starve but not starving is far from the level of comfort and what I am used to, or what I will settle for. We have a very stong freindship and our love runs much deeper then th superficial things like sex. He is my best friend and I am his. You may see it as a short cut, but if getting to retire at 35 is a short cut, then that's one I will take, cause who's to say any of us will make t to 67 to enjoy retiring!
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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:11 PM (PDT)
23. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to be critical..."
I was just expressing concern at what I read in your previous post. I truly hope the future holds nothing but great things for you!
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skywalker971 (25 posts) Click to send private message to skywalker971 Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 10:06 AM (PDT)
29. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
Thinking and reality are two different things.

When you met a provider, and she became your girl friend. The transition is not much easier, except you have a choice if you want to jump in or jump out. You really need a strong mind to handle it.

1) What if your girl friend walk funny, and she told you someone fuck like a horse. And she is hurt, how do you feel?

2) What if your girl friend told you that she is so GOOD that many clients became her regulars. Do you worry?

3) What if your girl friend told you, someone rip her off(fuck without paying). how do you feel?

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TheBopper (202 posts) Click to send private message to TheBopper Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 12:09 PM (PDT)
7. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I believe I can have a relationship with a provider, but if it got serious, I would want her to quit. I would expect that I would have to make up some of the financial obligation if I asked her to quit, but I also know I can't afford to make it all up as I don't make that kind of money.

I have had several relationships develop with AMP girls. In one relationship, after a couple months together, the girl quit the job, not just because she was going with me, but the main reason was the vice visited the place and although they didn't make any arrests, they scared the heck out of her. Anyway, after 2 months out of the job and not making enough on her other job, and me not being able to help that much financially, she told me she was going to return to the AMP. I told her if she had to do that, I was disappointed but I understood, and she went through the roof that I wouldn't fight harder to stop her. That issue started our relationship downhill and we ended it about a month later, and she never did go back to the AMP. She was just testing me and I failed.

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skywalker971 (25 posts) Click to send private message to skywalker971 Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 12:31 PM (PDT)
9. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
LAST EDITED ON 22-Apr-01 AT 12:40 PM (PDT)

> Do you think you could handle the person that you're dedicated
> to working as an escort and having sex with other men? Lets say
> you ask her to stop, can you still handle the realization that
> she may have had sex with a few hundred men? or more??
> And some of them may have really turned them out?

No, I don't think I can handle it, and I will say it out loud eight months ago. I just CAN'T handle it.

However, I have a provider girl friend now, and we are in a serious relationship. For me, I have to accept who she is, because I love her and choose to stay with her. We know each other as client/provider, and it is still very tough for me to think of her past. I have to be very careful if I talk, and sometimes she still got hurt because she think I was inferring her job. On the other hand, she has a job she can't talk about it. Once she told me she is very GOOD in her job, and many clients become her regulars. I got hurt so badly, that I don't want to talk to her for the whole day.

We have talked about if she want to quit her job and do something else. Unlike most of the gals, my girl friend refused my help, and she continue to work in this business. I have offered to help, and she has turned down my offers many times. I think she love me very much, and she doesn't want to become a financial burden to me.

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escritic (1429 posts) Click to send private message to escritic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 01:08 PM (PDT)
11. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
Kudos, skywalker.

I myself don't mind if my significant one is an escort.
To me, being an escort is a job and nothing's wrong with enjoying your job.
However, many people can't distinguish the difference between sex and love.
You can have sex with somebody without loving him/her.
You can also love somebody without having sex with him/her.

When you are being with your significant one, are you satisfied and happy with just being with him/her?
Or you need the sex part to conclude the 'date'?
I think that's the difference between lust and love.


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nightowl31 (56 posts) Click to send private message to nightowl31 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 01:19 PM (PDT)
12. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I have had a provider for a girlfriend. We lived together for about four years. She worked in a MP (where we met) for many, many years and continued to do so while we were together. In regard to your question about the past, I realized she had sex with well over a thousand men. That did not bother me. She wanted to be with me, was with me, we were having a great time together, and that was all that mattered. I guess this has something to do with the fantasy Niqui mentions above.

In regard to her continuing as a provider, I did not ask her to stop because I did not feel I had any right to do so. I was not able to provide her with adequate financial support to make up for the money she would losing (and needed). Yes, it bothered me, but not that much. I probably compartmentalized my feelings and used the financial rationale to stave off feelings of insecurity. We did talk about this early on, and maybe two or three times afterwards. She always explained that it was just business to her, that it was financially necessary, and it was separate from what we had. She always brought it up, I think just to check in with where I was at emotionally. In retrospect, I think it probably did not bother me as much because, although I cared for her very much, I wasn't really in love with her.

Would I do it again? Probably not. I realize that I'm not that secure. I'm hedging only because you never know who you'll run into or what might happen. And, I've always been foolishly optimistic.

BTW, she ended the relationship. Things started going downhill during the last year, but not because of anything to do with her work. 3 of her kids, all with major problems of their own, ended up moving in at various times. 2 were adults, both married, and one had 2 kids of his own, with another on the way. They eventually put their money together and bought a bigger house in another city. She had also been wanting to open up her own business, and did so.

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Chronic_lvr (170 posts) Click to send private message to Chronic_lvr Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 01:34 PM (PDT)
14. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
I have to agree with escritic, there is a difference between Love and Sex.

However, I also feel that once, I find that absolutely "right" person. I won't want to share them with anyone else. The difference to me is, when I'm with a provider, it is just Sex. However, when I'm with a girlfriend, its much more than that. Different feelings come out(no pun intended) and its a much more powerful feeling.

I personally feel that I can deal with one's past, but I would definitely want them all to my self in a sexual way. No more sharing with anyone else.

Just my POV,

--Chronic_Lvr--

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nightowl31 (56 posts) Click to send private message to nightowl31 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 03:31 PM (PDT)
15. "Does the type of service matter?"
That is, FS vs. FBSM. If she was strictly a FBSM provider, would that make a difference? Just wondering...
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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 03:52 PM (PDT)
16. "Lots of good posts already on this subject..."
There isn't much for me to add. I've also been there, done that. I'm not the jelous type, and never expected monogamy from my partner especially if it's what we worked out ahead of time. As stated above, sex isn't love and love isn't sex.

I learned one thing during my own sex-work days, and tried to be congnizent of in my own relationships, because I got to hear about, or see, what the female sex-workers went through in their relationships and how they reacted. One thing they (especially the women) dread is having their occupation thrown in their face, especially by someone they love during an argument. It's enough to keep them from getting into relationships!

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dilligaf (577 posts) Click to send private message to dilligaf Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:33 PM (PDT)
24. "RE: Lots of good posts already on this subject..."
because I
>got to hear about, or
>see, what the female sex-workers
>went through in their relationships
>and how they reacted.
>One thing they (especially the
>women) dread is having their
>occupation thrown in their face,
>especially by someone they love
>during an argument. It's
>enough to keep them from
>getting into relationships!

Very true. Every single working girl I know who has ended a relationship with a guy who knew what she did for a living had it thrown in her face in some way shape or form.

In some cases it was hurtful words during fights through to being 'outed' to friends, family and employers at their straight jobs. One girl in particular had just finished university, brought a house and her ex outed her to her new employers which happened to be Correctional Services. She can now never work in her chosen career and all those years of study are down the drain and she has to begin all over again.

Bastard!

Dilly


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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 11:30 PM (PDT)
38. "What your friend went through pisses me off!"
I'm sorry to hear about your friend who went through all the law enforcement training only to be outed by an ex-boyfriend. You're right, he's a bastard!

I forgot about this story. The friend who I posted about a little while ago, the one who had to deal with the guy at the store, went home for her sister's wedding. An ex-boyfriend of my friend who was invited to the wedding who had found out that she was turning dates (is that term still used?), started telling guests, and it of course got back to all of my friend's relatives including her parents. She left the reception and town early, and it took years before she was comfortable going back home (although she lives there now). What a prick that guy was! My friend told me that he didn't even do it out of anger or hurt or anything, only for the gossip factor. Man, I'm getting pissed off all over again!

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tiny100 (85 posts) Click to send private message to tiny100 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 09:23 PM (PDT)
26. "RE: Lots of good posts already on this subject..."
That is the main reason it would never work for me.Not saying I would never bring it up,but we are only human and at times when we are hurt we choose to hurt the other.
I know it would come up no matter how hard you try to repress it,we are at the mercy of human nature. I would never feel comfortable like that nor would I intentionaly put myself in a place like that.
Like what was mentioned ealier,I do this for the SEX and I know nothing else will come of it.
And being together before a provider started this really isn't the same,you are both going into it knowing what is going on and are comfortable with it and probly went over the move to be a provider in detail.

ok now I talk to much hehehe

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JPA (4 posts) Click to send private message to JPA Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 08:44 PM (PDT)
25. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
First let me say great, informative topic.

While I have yet to have a serious relationship with a provider, I do have a personal (non-sexual) relationship with a now an ex-dancer, and i'm on the verge of starting a sexual relationship with a dancer/escort, so i guess I believe that I can have a relationship with a provider.

IMHO the world is big, but the people you meet in your lifetime who you "click" with (personally/emotionally/sexually) is small, so I just can't rationalize letting what someone does to earn a living prevent me from exploring a relationship with that person. I'm making the assumption this isn't a play by the guy for free sex, nor a sugar-daddy thing by the woman.

While we are together, she would be free to do as she chooses (continue to work or not). The women who have responded to this topic all have made very clear they are providers as means to earn a living, so to me, regardless of the seriousness of our relationship, who am "I" to tell her she can't earn a living for herself. The decision to work or not is and always is her's, and whatever her decision I would support her and her decision emotionally and if our relationship was at that stage and the situation required, financially.

As far as dealing with a provider's sexual past, hey unless you marry a virgin, every girlfriend you'll ever have has a sexual past, I don't see how this is any different, or how it impacts you (a guy). I mean if you like this person you "like" this person, I don't understand how the number of sexual partners she's had (either personal or for work) should alter that.

Once again thanks, I found the topic enlightening, and an extra thanks to the women for their responses. It helped me gain an understanding of what the woman I am starting to see might be dealing with. And guys in case you missed it, if you become involved in a customer-provider relationship, the woman seems to be laying a lot more on the line than the guy. Just something to keep in mind if you decide to give it a try.

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WoodyWater (5 posts) Click to send private message to WoodyWater Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 09:26 PM (PDT)
27. "Not a problem"
Don't think it a show stopping hangup. In a commited relationship, for me, we have each other's priority over everything else - priority on time, enrichment and support.
A job is a job is a job. If she is good at it and needs it for a good reason (let's say enjoy helping lonely souls with their needs is as good a reason as working for a financially stable future), I can separate sex and love. After saying that, I think it more difficult for women to do the same. Is that not true, our fair ladies?

To me is priority. Nothing else matters as much.

ww

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tiny100 (85 posts) Click to send private message to tiny100 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 09:31 PM (PDT)
28. "RE: Not a problem"
(let's say enjoy helping lonely souls with their needs

Don't think they do it for that reason

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WoodyWater (5 posts) Click to send private message to WoodyWater Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
24-Apr-01, 02:01 PM (PDT)
43. "But, they should!"
"Don't think they do it for that reason "

We all accept that money is the driver in attracting women into this profession. Calling it, and we all do, a profession, why is there not professional nuance vis-a-vis job satisfaction. When I look at my profession (s/w development), money is a big part. But as I get better at it, there has to be more, such as pride and recognition and yes satisfaction in doing it well.

So, why can't our providers have a social life, a family life outside of the professional one? Why is it so difficult for those who care about this to separate? Given a choice, we all would opt to do something different - human nature. Sticking with it as professionals that we are, we do well recognizing the full professional status of the oldest professionals. Law can change, so can culltural perceptions.

It really is not that far fetched to think of a more open relaxed attitude in the future. Just look at RB - a great forum for promotion of service quality and information ... and with increased readership, awareness soft paddles professionalism.

Too much preaching already. Your reply caused me to ask what was it that I wanted to say, and found it lurking till resolved. I still don't know if I've said it.

Our providers have a huge baggage - cultural (unfairly so) and psychic (needlessly now). RB and the net will see to it that the providers and those who care control the destiny, and not the mamasan/pimps and ROBs.

Happy hunting,
ww

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FreeWillyDave (437 posts) Click to send private message to FreeWillyDave Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 10:51 AM (PDT)
30. "great topic!"
Chronic_Lvr,

Great topic! I have an ATF, and I am fond of her. I know I could never have a relationship with her for a number of reasons (even if it were an option, which it's not), but I gotta admit that there is a soft spot in my heart for her like no other provider I've ever seen.

Enough in fact, that sometimes I even have difficulty performing with her. I think sometimes I feel guilty visiting her. Sometimes I think it would almost be better if she weren't such a nice girl and I just knocked it out and left each time.

Having a relationship with a provider is something that I haven't even considered or been in a position to consider. But if I were, I would probably have a hard time overcoming the doubt and worries of her past. There's no way I could consider dating a provider who was still actively working.

In fact, I will (and have already in the past for a serious GF) quit this hobby for the next GF that I meet. And I will not tell her about having ever participated so frequently in this hobby. If she asks, I will admit to having done it when I was single, but not go into further specifics. I feel that there will be no need to.

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Nicole_Farallon (202 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 03:20 PM (PDT)
31. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
My huband really likes me to enjoy myself with other men. It really turns him on to hear about it. I would say our sex life got even better when I started dancing/escorting. He has worked in the Sex Industry and so he knows what it is to do this. He gives me pep talks every so often if I have a bad day, because he can tell me something that happened to him that made him feel similar. When I got assaulted at MSC, by some guy that grabbed my breasts, I thought I would never work again. My husband told me that one time when he was dancing, a guy bit his ass so hard that it was bruised for a month. Somehow, it made me feel better that he had experienced something similar. (Although he got to kick the guy's teeth out, I wish I could have done that to the guy who grabbed me!!) Also, I went into this knowing that it was a temporary job. My husband said that 2-4 years is about all most people can handle in the biz. Of course there are always exceptions.
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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 04:18 PM (PDT)
34. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
>My husband
>told me that one time
>when he was dancing, a
>guy bit his ass so
>hard that it was bruised
>for a month.

Something similar happened to me while dancing at a party (to sell sex-toys to women); the room I was dancing in was too small and crowded, so when I backed up some, my ass was in some woman's face. She was wasted, decided to bite into my right buttock, and only let go because she was laughing too hard to hang on! It took about two years for that scar to be unnoticable.

I was dancing at the Presidio once (it was a gig at one of their clubs where there were two male and two female dancers). Anyway, this woman pulled open my speedo (g-strings and t-bars were not allowed) to give me a tip, and the guy sitting behind her tossed a bunch of change in, thinking it was funny. There was something with a sharp edge in there too, which cut my scrotum (never saw exactly what it was because I dumped everything into a garbage can, and couldn't figure out what did the damage later).

I could go on with more, but I'll just say this: If you dance long enough, you are bound to accumalate some nightmare stories; injuries go with the territory as they do with any other physical job, but you feel more violated and degraded sometimes.

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Nicole_Farallon (202 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 04:28 PM (PDT)
35. "RE: You Can't Handle the Truth?"
My husband told me that I needed to be more aware and protect myself when dancing. He said that men (and I guess women too) can get so caught up in the fantasy of seeing the performer as something other than a real person, that they forget that they can really cause pain by their thoughtlessness or over enthusiasm. The guy grabbed me so hard that he cut me with his fingernails!! Luckily, my scars went away!! Now, I make sure if I come offstage and sit in someone's lap, I cover my breasts so they can't be touched. I have heard worse stories too. Diamond (the one from a few years ago at MSC) said this drunk guy grabbed for her clit ring and ripped it a little. She then grabbed his hand so hard she broke a few of his fingers. And the guy called the police!! She was never arrested though. Greek, I can only imaginge what getting a cut on your nads must have felt like. Youch!!
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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 10:45 PM (PDT)
36. "Forgot to say..."
that I'm sorry you went through what you did. Also that your husband sounds like a wise and caring person. The main reason I mentioned my experiences is to make clear that your husband (and you for that matter) are not alone, and that just because others may objectify you, it is their problem and not yours. It sounds as though you already know that.

The pain does not even have to be related to anything physical, especially for women. I had a friend who told me that, when she was new to stripping, she was doing a lap dance. Little did she know it, but the guy was jerking off and came all over her tits and neck as she did a body slide. This may not sound so bad, but she was young, had no intention of doing extras and was working in a place where they weren't allowed, and it bothered her terribly for a few months.

Another friend (who had large, enhanced breasts) went to a store near where I lived by herself a few years ago, and started crying as soon as she came back in my door. She was not wearing a bra under her tight shirt and vest, but it was not provacative either and anyway that shouldn't have mattered. Anyway, the guy behind her in line leaned forward and told her to "shake it, baby!" Again, it hit her really hard, partially because she started to turn towards him and comply which made her think that she was a sex object in her own mind, and partially because she felt degraded and didn't know how to respond without making a scene.

BTW, the speedos I was wearing were (of course) red, so nobody (including me) could tell that I was bleeding. Even though it felt as though the skin was being pinched, I tried to finish the set until the pain became too severe to keep going. Anyway, it felt like a bad paper cut for a week or two.

I want to mention that I thought you handled SnowBoardCa perfectly; my hat is off to you!

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Nicole_Farallon (202 posts) Click to send private message to Nicole_Farallon Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 10:55 PM (PDT)
37. "RE: Forgot to say..."
You have very good insight. There can be days when you feel like someone got a piece of you that was not theirs to take. Thankfully, that has happened maybe once or twice since escorting. When I danced it was much more prevalent. But, when that happened, thank God that I was able to talk with my husband about it. He told me about times on set where he felt like everyone thought he was just a big, dumb, piece of meat. I don't know how other girls deal with these things. I certainly could not do this job if I did not have someone who understands the nature of this business.
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Chronic_lvr (170 posts) Click to send private message to Chronic_lvr Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 11:34 PM (PDT)
39. "Thanks for sharing"
Hi Nicole,

Thanks for your insight. I do have a question though, and you may choose not to answer it, in which case I totally understand.

Do you think your relationship would be the same if you both weren't in/previously in this industry? If for example, your husband was never in this field and had never been a part of the sex field, do you think your love would have just been unconditional enough to allow you to work as an escort?

The reason I ask is that most of us here are in that particular boat, unlike your lucky hubby.

I do think that your relationship together is great and a wonderful thing to be celebrated everyday. Not all people are so lucky.

take care,

--Chronic_Lvr--

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Biker (537 posts) Click to EMail Biker Click to send private message to Biker Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 11:48 PM (PDT)
41. "RE: Thanks for sharing"
I fall in love with every girl I pick up, During our sessions I become very emotionally attached to them and the sex makes that even stronger. It is not just get my nut and goodbye. Because I chose to have no wife or girlfriend my entire lifes romancing and love comes from the time I spend with these girls. The whole experence is all good but the best part of the entire lifestyle I live is that after I am done I can take them home and be single and free again. Awesome!

Alway's Cruising

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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 11:56 PM (PDT)
42. "I know you asked this of Nicole..."
But I thought I would try to answer your answer as well (this reply, of course, isn't intended to be a substitute for Nicole's).

I believe that having somebody in your life who understands what you are going through helps, but the more important thing is the type of person you are. If you are a considerate, compassionate person, your chances of having a successful relationship are that much greater.

There are many sex-workers, male and female, who are assholes and treat others like shit. Nicole is lucky to have found somebody who is as nice a guy as her husband sounds like; his understanding is just icing on the cake.

The hardest and most important part of handling a relationship with an active sex-worker is, as mentioned before ad-nauseum, managing any insecurities you may have. A man or woman stays with you because they love you and the type of person you are, and not because of the sex.

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TheGreek (369 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
23-Apr-01, 11:45 PM (PDT)
40. "I've posted on this before..."
LAST EDITED ON 23-Apr-01 AT 11:46 PM (PDT)

I really feel that the sex industry attracts people (not only women) who have issues with self-worth and self-image, and that the nature of the different parts of the industry can make it worse. When you pointed out that you don't know how other girls handle the objectification, I really think they just DON'T handle it unfortunately, but just accept it.

I'm happy for you that you are as emotionally healthy as you are, and have the support you do. If you can, try to be supportive to the others you know in the industry (it's hard sometimes, given how catty sex-workers can get, even men); it does help to have ANYBODY in your life who understands and is willing to listen to you and take you seriously!

Just remembered another story, related to how male strippers can be as nasty to each other as the women in the industry can. Another stripper and I were shopping for costumes, and I found this matching robe and g-string that I thought looked good! Anyway, I showed it to my friend, who said it didn't look that good, and steered me towards another similar outfit that I didn't think looked as great, but I trusted him, dammit! Anyway, I found out later that he went back and bought the robe and g-string I originally found!

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