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"Where the boys/men are"

 
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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
20-Apr-01, 11:49 PM (PDT)
"Where the boys/men are"
OK, more than once there have been questions raised as to where to find available (probably young) single females. Time to reverse the question.

Where can one find good looking, intelligent, straight, single/divorced men in the 38-48 age group?

Church? Doubt it.
Grocery store? Don't think so.
Charitable function? Nah.
Book store? Possibly but probably not.
Museum? I'd be surprised.

So, folks, clue me in. I'm at a loss.


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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dox (21 posts) Click to send private message to dox Click to check IP address of the poster
20-Apr-01, 11:55 PM (PDT)
1. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
Working in the corporate world, I run across these types all day long. However, if they're still single or are divorced, they probably have issues with relationships... then again, you didn't say you're looking for a relationship, right?
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TheBopper (178 posts) Click to send private message to TheBopper Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 09:51 AM (PDT)
15. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
Dox, I don't think it is fair to say that men who are still single or divorced probably have issues with relationships. Would you say the same about women?

I think there are an awful lot of divorced people who are fine with relationships -- it is very hard to live your complete life with someone. In my case, I married right out of college and my wife never worked, so when our kids went away to college, she couldn't handle the empty nest syndrome and wanted to move back to her hometown.

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headhunter (40 posts) Click to send private message to headhunter Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:03 AM (PDT)
2. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
I assume you mean in a social setting, yes? The previous poster was right in saying "in the corporate world", but that doesn't help much...the office is not the ideal place for socializing, or at least an inappropriate place. Hmmm...I would say that the answer would change depending on your interests. Bookstores like Borders, where they are attached to cafes, sports bars, Fry's...?
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dox (21 posts) Click to send private message to dox Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:14 AM (PDT)
3. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
"Un-ideal" or inappropriate as it may be, I do witness a lot of office romances/affairs at work. Especially these days when people put in so much time at the office who has time for social life? A twist to it, of course, is being introduced to friends of co-workers. I have seen a lot of relationships develop that way as well.

Does that make you want to plunge back into the 9-to-5 (urh, 8-to-7 I mean) world again Magic?

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:40 AM (PDT)
6. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
"Does that make you want to plunge back into the 9-to-5 (urh, 8-to-7 I mean) world again Magic?"

You're right about 9:00-5:00 not existing. I've been trying to get back to a desk job part-time but have been unsuccessful so far. With the current economic situation and lay-offs, I think my chances of finding my ideal job are slim.


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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dox (21 posts) Click to send private message to dox Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:53 AM (PDT)
9. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
Thought you're already working your ideal job?
I say this only with a partial tongue in cheek. If you're taking the job not as a career change but as a means to meet guys, your options are probably quite wide open.
It's true that we hear about a lot of layoffs, but the people being laid off appear to be finding other jobs quite easily, as evidenced by the monthly low unemployment figures.
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skywalker971 (22 posts) Click to send private message to skywalker971 Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:03 AM (PDT)
43. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
> You're right about 9:00-5:00 not existing. I've been trying to
> get back to a desk job part-time but have been unsuccessful so
> far. With the current economic situation and lay-offs, I think
> my chances of finding my ideal job are slim.

Yes, you are right about the overall economic situation, and many of the large corporation is triming down their staffs. But many of small companies are hiring like crazy, and this is the only chance for small company to get GOOD people. Maybe, you can get part time contract/consult first, and you can switch to full time if you really like that company.

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headhunter (40 posts) Click to send private message to headhunter Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 12:33 PM (PDT)
20. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
I'm not saying it doesn't exist...by all means it does. WHat I am saying is that I've known people who have gotten terminated, fired, streamlined, right-sized...whatever the corporate world is calling it nowadays...over it. IMO, it's just not worth the risk.

Now, if a co-worker introduces you to a friend not in the company, well...

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Poacher (53 posts) Click to send private message to Poacher Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:15 AM (PDT)
4. "Thought of going back to school?"
Ms Magic,

I don't mean to get a degree. My female friends in this age group tell me that they sometimes take classes at local Universities, community colleges, and extension schools to meet men. The classes are designed for those of us that have to work for a living, so they usually take place evenings and weekends. The subject matter depends on your interest...cooking, another language, auto repair, or literature...you name it.

Does this mean you're on the hunt?

Best of luck!

Poacher

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:50 AM (PDT)
7. "RE: Thought of going back to school?"
To answer your question, yes I am looking.

Classes...now that's a thought. Especially a cooking class although I could probably be a good cook already but I don't like taking the time to make something from a cookbook when it's just for me. Auto repair? Thought of doing that in high school. It probably wouldn't do me much good now with my new car. lol Plus, I don't have any interest in meeting a grease monkey.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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dox (21 posts) Click to send private message to dox Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:55 AM (PDT)
10. "RE: Thought of going back to school?"
Hey don't knock grease monkeys! They wash up nicely and they probably make good money -- the kind of money they charge to fix my jalopy they should all be very rich!
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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 03:23 PM (PDT)
24. "RE: Thought of going back to school?"
I just think I would be more comfortable around a white collar guy.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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dilligaf (542 posts) Click to send private message to dilligaf Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:36 AM (PDT)
5. "Ms. Magic......"
If you discover where they are all hiding out, could you clue me in?

Thanks


Dilly

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:52 AM (PDT)
8. "RE: Ms. Magic......"
Sure, but you can only have my rejects!!!!!

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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dilligaf (542 posts) Click to send private message to dilligaf Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 00:56 AM (PDT)
11. "okey-dokey!"
>Sure, but you can only have
>my rejects!!!!!
>
>Michelle
>Michelle's Magic


Just make sure to include a fully detailed review when ya pass 'em on will ya?



Dilly

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TheGreek (275 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 10:11 AM (PDT)
41. "Oh, Dilly, you don't need a boyfriend..."
Only someone to give you a ride to Nordstrum's and carry your packages. Geez, even I could do that!
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jitrudi (34 posts) Click to EMail jitrudi Click to send private message to jitrudi Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 05:18 AM (PDT)
12. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
interesting question

I am 43 divorced, have one child... and have a pretty good package ( very funny)meaning looks/time/money/travel etc.. and you are right that the question comes up amongst my friends all the time.

Most of my dating in the last two years has been scarey, craigslist -sf weekly sort of thing...really weird, but works for some, the weirdos come out in droves my women friends say.

Old flames, puh-leeeze, we went thru that group 15 years ago after an emotional breakup and crises...yes thats what those type of phone calls mean. and issues are everywhere, so dont be flattered.

office romance is everywhere with the 9-5 crowd... so many fall to that. seems like quiet desperation...

blind dates...dont get me started... all that I learned was how little my well intentioned friends (all female) either thought of me..her... or how little my friends know about me.

Pick ups? marina safeway? Borders?....hmmmmmmn? Dear penthouse I have been reading these letters for years and I never thought this could happen to me....

and for us guys turnig our ATF GFE into anything other then it is? the E in GFE is the clue! Virtual love my friends....

Ok so I nixed advertising, cruising the aisles, Old flames, blind dates/setups, and left the door open on work relationships...what else is left? how about the other singles in your crowd... I have been involved with three different women in my crowd,divorced, I know the ex's, kids the same age...etc...
TOO CLOSE TO HOME! but many would like this and I reccomend to open eyes for what is near at hand! you already know what this man is, father, provider etc and why his shit has failed in the past...

but here is the whole real truth... I (single straight male)am out there, and would be flattered to have you call me and ask me out... and that is your answer, we are out there and we are everywhere just waiting...pick your moment and move in cause we have no clue as to how to find you either!

good luck maybe we will meet some day........


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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 03:30 PM (PDT)
25. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
"I (single straight male)am out there, and would be flattered to have you call me and ask me out..."

Are you speaking in generalities or specifically to me?


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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jitrudi (34 posts) Click to EMail jitrudi Click to send private message to jitrudi Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 02:30 AM (PDT)
40. "yes eom"
/
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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 10:59 PM (PDT)
50. "RE: yes eom"
Oh pooh! I thought you wanted me to call you.


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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nooner (41 posts) Click to send private message to nooner Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 08:45 AM (PDT)
13. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
We are out there... Kinda. Just a little busy.
We leave the house for work at 5:00am, return home at 6:00pm, pick up the kid(s) from sports or music practice at 6:30, make dinner at 7:00, spend some time helping with their homework and maybe playing a game with them until 9:00. Watch TV or read until 10:00.
Then off to bed to start it all over again the next day. And believe it or not... we are happy. The problem is trying to find a "today's" lady that would be happy with this lifestyle also.
BTW...We have every other weekend off.
So your question... At ball games, plays and music recitals and school functions.
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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 03:40 PM (PDT)
26. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
A former client/friend whose wife died of cancer in her 30's eventually became comfortable with the idea of dating and is now much more successful than me. He told me that he is finding his dates at little league games and other like places. He, being a single father, is meeting single moms and, of course, they have a lot in common.

I think your suggestion works in the situation described above. I can't really see going to an event for children when I don't have any of my own and don't know how to relate to kids. It's difficult enough trying to relate to adults! LOL


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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synesthetic (352 posts) Click to send private message to synesthetic Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 09:49 AM (PDT)
14. "Me!"
LAST EDITED ON 21-Apr-01 AT 09:55 AM (PDT)

Although I may not be tall, I am healthy, fit,well dressed (nice casual), highly educated, financially secure, and single!
I can be found at my health club, in yoga classes, at jazz concerts, in grocery stores, at the mall, in movie theaters, or at home.
Oh, I forgot to mention that I am a very nice person (of course you can tell that by my posts). Sometimes too nice and it gets me into trouble occasionally.

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TheBopper (178 posts) Click to send private message to TheBopper Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 10:00 AM (PDT)
16. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
I think you have to understand what you are looking for, and look for people in that environment. If you like sports, a sports bar might be a good place to go when your favorite team is playing. There have been other good suggestions: night school, referrals from friends, etc. What about your health club since working out is so important to you?

Another place to meet the working crowd is happy hour on Thu or Fri at a nice bar. It's a different singles scene than the late night dancing club, but it is certainly a scene where the male to female ratio is high.

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 03:50 PM (PDT)
27. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
Maybe it's the time of day when I'm at the gym but there's no one there that I'm interested in. Most of the men are 50+. There are women in my classes that know I'm single but they haven't been of any assistance. Heck, I'm even willing to go on a blind date!

Happy hour in Oakland? Where might that be?


Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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justwhaturlooking4 (38 posts) Click to EMail justwhaturlooking4 Click to send private message to justwhaturlooking4 Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 10:46 AM (PDT)
17. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
Ms. Magic, I have the same problem.
I have met a few very good looking, successful, interesting, divorced guys in their 40's who I was VERY attracted to....unfortunately, I met them as CLIENTS. One I REALLY wish I could have met another way. Fell in love with him...STUPID, huh.

Realistically, while we are doing this job, it's going to be very hard to find ANYONE who would be able to deal with it long term.

I have a day job I could probably live off of, but right now need to do this side business nights trying to get out of debt. Once I stop this second job I think (hope) the personal life will improve.

I understand how you feel, Ms. Magic. I wish I could give you advice, but I can't. Lynn

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errolflynn (29 posts) Click to send private message to errolflynn Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 11:23 AM (PDT)
18. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
Good morning to you all,

Interesting thread... I would argue that being a client does not necessarily exclude one from being a candidate for a meaningful and "normal" relationship with a provider. At least you get the physical aspects out of the way early... Just need to establish more chemistry, more mutual interests and some mental re-engineering. Could be somewhat awkward on the first few dates outside of the "client-provider" relationship but as long as the mutual attraction is strong enough, that should be enough for both to successfully clear the early hurdles. Just my $.02...

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 03:51 PM (PDT)
28. "Exactly! Agree 100%. (eom)"
Michelle
Michelle's Magic
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skywalker971 (22 posts) Click to send private message to skywalker971 Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:27 AM (PDT)
44. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
> I have met a few very good looking, successful, interesting,
> divorced guys in their 40's who I was VERY attracted
> to....unfortunately, I met them as CLIENTS. One I REALLY wish
> I could have met another way. Fell in love with him...STUPID,
> huh.

People who don't have a dream are walking dead, are you too scare to have your dream. What's wrong if you meet your men as a CLIENTs? Many of us see escort, becasue we have problems in our life.


> Realistically, while we are doing this job, it's going to be
> very hard to find ANYONE who would be able to deal with it
> long term.

It is difficult but not impossible, if he really love you.

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booph (13 posts) Click to EMail booph Click to send private message to booph Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 11:31 AM (PDT)
19. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
of course alot of us are stuck in our little cubicles talking to each other on a message board...i'm not sure what that says about us, except that we are busy, and trying to fit in socializing as best we can...i concur with the previous posts, that by doing those things you enjoy, you're at least increasing your chances of meeting folks with whom you'll have something in common...good luck...keep looking...we're out here, somewhere...
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NiceWork (11 posts) Click to send private message to NiceWork Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 01:34 PM (PDT)
21. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
What about where you live? I've met three nice women in my apartment building. There are also neighborhood block parties here. Neighbors have friends. Friends know other friends.

I haven't dated any of the women I've met this way, but I definitely got the right signals from two or three. I was just too obsessed with career stuff. That should tell you something though. Men are more outgoing socially when they're under 30. We're hornier, and we feel like we have all the time in the world. But after thirty most men are consumed by their work. We know how much time a relationship can take, and that there are emotional dangers. And the women we know aren't young cutie-pies anymore. Although men may marry for various reasons, the truth is, we're intitially attracted more by looks than anything else. So the incentive to get into something is less, while the downside is greater.

But you've got a secret weapon. Although getting into a relationship with a provider would probably be a turn off for most men, getting into a relationship with an EX provider is definitely intriguing. Men don't marry virgins anymore, and someone with that kind of experience could potentially drive a man wild. So meeting them may be the hard part for you, but if you can get into the social mix, maybe you've got something to hook a worldly gentleman.

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TheGreek (275 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 02:03 PM (PDT)
22. "Something that should be apparent..."
If you've read this board for a while, with the women participating as they are, something should have become apparent; that these women may be providers, which makes the emphasis of their interaction with their clients sexual and sexually-compliant, but that does not mean they want to predicate their relationships on the same basis. In other words, most (probably all) of the women in the biz don't want to be viewed as sex-toys, or want that to be an expectation on the part of their partner. Also, if done correctly, what you see when you see a provider is a fantasy you pay for (a period of time where you spend it doing exactly what you want, without any of the bullshit that would happen in real life), and I'm sure nobody would want that as an expectation either.

Perhaps I'm wrong, hopefully some of you (Michelle, Lynn, Dilli) will respond and clarify.

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NiceWork (11 posts) Click to send private message to NiceWork Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 02:37 PM (PDT)
23. "RE: Something that should be apparent..."
But that is what they do and that is who they are. So to get into a real relationship with a nice guy, maybe the right strategy is to let him "make an honest woman out of you." It's the Pretty Woman scenario. Except Richard Gere isn't going to stumble into your neighborhood in a Porsche on a Saturday night. Most men who have money, spend most of their time working. So you're probably looking for an honest hard working guy rather than the kind of profligates who read Redbook.
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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 04:28 PM (PDT)
31. "RE: Something that should be apparent..."
You are soooooo off base. I'm probably more honest than you! I live a pretty normal life, belong to professional organizations, serve on two Boards, go to the gym, grow vegetables, have fun killing snails these days, etc., etc. I do not need to be saved by some guy.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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TheGreek (275 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 04:58 PM (PDT)
32. "RE: Something that should be apparent..."
>have fun killing snails these days, etc., etc.

Honest, but a mass-murderer maybe?

I probably don't have the wording of the dialog right, but on a recent Sopranos episode: A woman is asked what she is waiting to see a psychiatrist for, and answers, "I'm a serial killer. I've murdered seven relationships."

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dilligaf (542 posts) Click to send private message to dilligaf Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 08:25 PM (PDT)
33. "RE: Something that should be apparent..."
>But that is what they do


Ummm...yes, it is what I do - for the moment. I have not ALWAYS done this type of work and I will not always be doing this kind of work therefore......


>and that is who they
>are.

I REFUSE to be known for ALL TIME as 'the pro/ex-pro/hooker'.....whatever! This job (and trust me sweetie, it IS a job - I have no inner desire to gratify all mankind!) does not define who I am and I will not let someone assume that they have me all figured out because of what I have chosen to do for work for a certain period of my life.


So to get
>into a real relationship with
>a nice guy, maybe the
>right strategy is to let
>him "make an honest woman
>out of you."

Oh save me....save me....Oh pleeeease! Ugh!


It's
>the Pretty Woman scenario.
>Except Richard Gere isn't going
>to stumble into your neighborhood
>in a Porsche on a
>Saturday night.

DAMM....you mean that's NOT going to happen????? Awwww that was the only reason I got into the biz in the first place....so Richard would come save me!

Most men
>who have money, spend most
>of their time working.
>So you're probably looking for
>an honest hard working guy
>rather than the kind of
>profligates who read Redbook.

Did the rest of you fella's hear that? Your all lazy bums the lot of ya!


Nicework....I don't mean to flame you but really....you just don't quite get it.

*sigh*

Dilly


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TheGreek (275 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 09:12 PM (PDT)
34. "The reason I didn't respond to him a second time..."
>Nicework....I don't mean to flame you
>but really....you just don't quite
>get it.
>
>*sigh*
>
>Dilly

He apparently does NOT get it! As Amy (who used to post here) would have said, "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think."

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NiceWork (11 posts) Click to send private message to NiceWork Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 12:50 PM (PDT)
47. "RE: Something that should be apparent..."
That's Ok. I'm just making suggestions. If they're bad suggestions then telling me that is what discussions are for. I'm probably projecting my own experiences without understanding the nature of the problem. I don't have problems meeting women. I just don't have time relationships. That probably has to do with who I am and what I do.

<Nicework....I don't mean to flame you but really....you just
<don't quite get it.

*sigh*

Dilly

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panther (415 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 10:10 PM (PDT)
35. "the kind of profligates who read Redbook"
From dictionary.com:

prof·li·gate (prfl-gt, -gt)
adj. Given over to dissipation; dissolute.
Recklessly wasteful; wildly extravagant.
n.

A profligate person; a wastrel.

*******

NiceWork,

Welcome to exactly where you need to be!

A year or two of being a profligate will be perfect for you!

Please be sure to pay up though and become a RedBook VIP Profligate!

Just because we're wildly extravagant doesn't mean we're easy.


panther

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NiceWork (11 posts) Click to send private message to NiceWork Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 01:32 PM (PDT)
48. "RE: the kind of profligates who read Redbook"
<NiceWork,

<Welcome to exactly where you need to be!

<A year or two of being a profligate will be perfect for you!

I hope you're not saying I need to be "saved".

<Please be sure to pay up though and become a RedBook VIP
<Profligate!

I have a VIP membership. That's why I can post on this forum. Only for about six months though, so I haven't reached full profligate status. I'll work on it.


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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 04:22 PM (PDT)
30. "RE: Something that should be apparent..."
In my opinion you are absolutely correct. When I date someone I expect to be respected and treated like any other female. I will NOT jump into bed on the first date and probably not on the second or third either. My work life does not mirror my personal life. I may pamper my clients during my sessions but expect something much more mutual when I'm dating.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 04:13 PM (PDT)
29. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
"What about where you live? I've met three nice women in my apartment building. There are also neighborhood block parties here. Neighbors have friends. Friends know other friends."

I live in a house in a nice residential area where there are no block parties. Even if someone tried to have a party everything would slide down the hill/street. Most of my neighbors are older than me and married and for whatever reason don't try to hook me up with any single guys they know.

"...getting into a relationship with an EX provider is definitely intriguing."

It may be intriguing to you but a complete turn-off to others. I remember a suggestion posted on Redbook saying that a retired provider should change her name and move out of the state in order to start her new life. Now granted, that's a bit drastic, however, I think many men might be intimidated by meeting a former or current provider. "She has so much more experience than me." Or men might be degrading. "She's tarnished." Whatever the situation, I think it will be an uphill battle for many of us but one that can be won with the right partner.

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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dilligaf (542 posts) Click to send private message to dilligaf Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 10:19 PM (PDT)
36. "RE: Where the boys/men are"

>
>"...getting into a relationship with an
>EX provider is definitely intriguing."

From what I have seen, clients and providers having a 'relationship' 99.999999999999% of the time falls under the heading of..

"Lookin' for love in all the wrong places"


...for BOTH parties involved.

Dilly

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panther (415 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 10:26 PM (PDT)
37. ""Lookin' for love in all the wrong places""
That's been my experience too.

As in many relationships where sex happens before intimacy, the cart is before the horse and it's VERY hard to turn around.

In addition, and I say this with no judgement, both the providers job AND the john's role (at one level, NO different) brings up a HEAP of abandonment/rejection fears etc.

That said, I do think it's possible -- but it would take two very committed and aware people, and even then it might not be worth the heartache.


panther

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dilligaf (542 posts) Click to send private message to dilligaf Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
21-Apr-01, 10:29 PM (PDT)
38. "RE: "Lookin' for love in all the wrong places""

>
>That said, I do think it's
>possible -- but it would
>take two very committed and
>aware people, and even then
>it might not be worth
>the heartache.
>
>
>
>
>panther

.00000000000001%


Dilly

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tsegami (13 posts) Click to send private message to tsegami Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 00:06 AM (PDT)
39. "RE: Where the boys/men are"
>From what I have seen, clients
>and providers having a 'relationship'
>99.999999999999% of the time falls
>under the heading of..
>
>"Lookin' for love in all the
>wrong places"
>


So....you're saying there's a chance!!!!

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TheGreek (275 posts) Click to send private message to TheGreek Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 10:56 AM (PDT)
42. "Michelle, it's good that you brought this up here..."
LAST EDITED ON 22-Apr-01 AT 10:59 AM (PDT)

If for no other reason, to find out that you are not alone. Maybe you are not so surprised, and I'm not surprised at the response you got from the men on this board, but I am in regards to the women. It suddenly struck me, of the currently regular female posters (you, Dilly, Lynn, Niqui, Nicole, Faye, and now Zoe), Dilly and Lynn are in the same place you are. Nicole and Niqui are newly married, Zoe may be too new and uncomfortable or private to state where her heart is, and who knows about Faye.

Michelle, you and I are in approximately in the same age-group, and I've seen some friends who have recently gotten into relationships and even married. Some of them have been good, some bad, but the point is that you should be positive; it can still, and will, happen for you.

I'm not in a place where I'm looking right now, and don't know any of you truly, but I believe that much about us as people comes through in these posts if you pay attention. Anyway, I think that you (and Dilly and Lynn) are very attractive, fun, interesting and good people based on what I've read here and shouldn't worry about finding guys; again, it will happen for you.

I hope that you find what you are looking for. Try to have fun as you go about it safely and with consideration, and good luck on your search!

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panther (415 posts) Click to send private message to panther Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:59 AM (PDT)
45. "You go Greek! (eom)"

panther
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WoodyWater (4 posts) Click to send private message to WoodyWater Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 12:23 PM (PDT)
46. "Skiing"
One word - Ski. Michelle, you are so close to Sugar, Alpine, Donna... and a little farther to NorthStar, Incline(name chaned but can't recall), Mt Rose, Siera Range, Heavenly etc.

I met many good attractive women on lifts and runs, and had kept up with a couple. Since I'm not looking, the 'relationships' were platonic. But, imagination can fill in all the possibilities. I met a single mom from Calgary while skiing Cypress (B.C.) and we have been communicating since.

I believe client/provider relationship can be as indefinite as any based on other circumstances. Initial physical attraction can 'morph' into interest/curiousity about the other and intimacy and caring. Allowing that to grow beyond the original implicit contract does take courage and chance. But then we are in a brave new world where a measured degree of daring is needed to go beyond the caveat. Illicit love affairs of the literature all have tragic endings. Message from a bottle exists only in a bottle. But when it happens, it takes one's breath away.

BTW, growing old together is passe. IMHO, growing together is a better model.

Good luck to us all,
WW

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Major_Woody (82 posts) Click to send private message to Major_Woody Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 06:12 PM (PDT)
49. "Couple of Ideas"
I'm in the same boat as you, Michelle, in that I’m at a loss as to how to find women to date. Everyone’s so busy. The woman I’m trying (failing) to date now has a full-time, five day a week job and is writing her doctoral thesis in her “spare time,” so you can imagine how much time she has available for me.

Anyway, I don’t date much and am unable to find a girlfriend. I plan on doing two things to correct this situation, and they could also work for you. First is a company called “Table for Six” (www.tableforsix.com). The deal is that this company sets up a meal at a very nice restaurant. Three guys and three girls at a table, matched based on age, interests, etc. It’s first names only and the company makes previous arrangements so that everyone’s credit card is billed separately for only what they order (i.e. advance arrangements are made for separate checks, and you don’t have to whip out your credit card at the meal to pay for dinner.) I also think that the company kicks in a bottle of wine for the table. Afterwards, if you want to contact someone whom you found interesting, you call the company and let them know. They then contact that person and ask if (s)he is interested in hearing from you. I don’t know what the cost is, but it seems like a good situation. Also, even if you end up seated with a bunch of drips, it’s only for dinner, and anyone can tough it out for that amount of time (drink heavily, LOL).

My second idea, which may also be of interest to you, is a company called Bay Area Outdoor Adventures Club (www.sfoac.com). It’s for active people who want to take advantage of the Bay Area’s recreational opportunities, and meet others at the same time. Check out their website; they have all sorts of activities and you can either join for a short time, or participate in events “a la carte” and pay the non-member rate.

BTW, I think you should consider changing your handle to Michelle from Ms_Magic. I know that your current handle was a compromise since this program won't accept the apostrophe in M’s Magic; however, Ms_Magic sounds like Miz Magic, a la 1970’s women’s lib, and it makes you sound formal, straitlaced and . . . “schoolmarmish.” Of course, I can’t imagine that you have those characteristics, but I’m just giving you my opinion that some people could judge a book by its cover.

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Ms_Magic (460 posts) Click to send private message to Ms_Magic Click to view user profile Click to check IP address of the poster
22-Apr-01, 11:23 PM (PDT)
51. "RE: Couple of Ideas"
"I'm in the same boat as you, Michelle, in that I’m at a loss as to how to find women to date."

I think I know a pretty good looking female in the East Bay who's available. Want her contact info? LOL

I heard of Table For Six and even saw a segment about them on TV recently. I never heard of Bay Area Outdoor Adventures Club. Sounds interesting. Thanks for the information.

As for my handle, I guess you've been around awhile if you know how it came to be. Until recently I wanted to stay somewhat anonymous so I didn't want to use Michelle. I have to plead ignorant re. Miz Magic. Did someone with that name actually exist in the 70's?

Michelle
Michelle's Magic

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